A week of endings and beginnings

I am so bad about writing on here. It seems that so many times I get so busy doing other stuff and lost in my own head that the thoughts never get here.  The last couple of weeks have been crazy ones, and most experiences I wouldn't want to repeat. 
On Good Friday a friend of mine had her mother-in-law suddenly pas away.  She backed out of her driveway and put her car in park and just died.  In retrospect, that is how I would want to go. She was in good health, she didn't have to go through a lingering horrible disease.  Boom, she was gone.

And then on Easter Sunday a friend's daughter drowned in their pool.  She was just a couple days shy of her 10th birthday.  I personally don't know how you get out of bed after something like that happens.  A couple of friends and I traveled to Michigan for the funeral.  It was a sobering experience to say the least.  We tried to make the best of it by doing some geocaching on the way up and the way back.  It did seem like we had a hard time finding our spirit though. 

We decided to cure that on Saturday though.  A couple of us girls had decided we really wanted a girls day of geocaching.  And although we let a couple of guys join us we ended up just us girls in the end.  We had a crazy day of challenging the guys to see who could find the cache faster.  Turned out very well for us.  Especially when one of the guys couldn't find a cache that was right next to his head. LOL  Poor Tim, good thing he is a good sport.

For the first few days after I got back from my trip it was really hard to get back in the groove of life. I suppose seeing a child's funeral will do that to you.  But life must go on and by Wednesday I had an appointment to go see Yani at Indiana Tech to sign up for classes for next semester.  So on Thursday afternoon I signed up for my next semester's classes that will take me onto my MBA.  In two weeks I will no longer be an Ivy Tech student.  So many changes, and most days I feel like I'm hanging on for the ride, and I'm certainly not steering the car.

Some days it's the small things

Yesterday I really tried hard to make good food choices. I did pretty well, and then the late night munchies hit.  I saw the bag of potato chips...but instead went and got some carrots.  Sometimes it's just the smallest thing that makes me feel better.  I also made sure I had plenty of cut up vegetables and fruit in the refrigerator for meals and snacking. 

Hopefully as the weather gets warmer and the fresh produce starts to come in I will want less "comfort" junk food and more healthy green foods.

The summer of 2012

I have spent this weekend basically just doing homework. I had planned to go on  geocaching run to the Summer Picnic site, but with so much homework I knew I needed to stay home.  And it was pretty annoying to have to be a grown up.  I have had to put off many things while I have been in class because I just really haven't had the time to do things I really want to do.  And then last week I was watching Biggest Loser and they interviewed Kim and it was like they were talking about me.  She does things for everyone else and never makes time for herself.  Not to mention she grew up very poor and having food in the house now makes her feel secure.  My childhood was much like that, and it does make me feel better that there is actually food in the house.  So it is obvious to me I have a long walk still to go on my path. 

So I have decided that this summer (since I am not taking summer classes) it is going to be the summer of me.  I am going to do creative things that I love. I am going to actually exercise for me and work through these stupid childhood scars. I really love my life right now except for this weight issue, which is obviously a childhood scar.  This summer is going to be for me. 

Proud to be a mom

Tonight was Adam's last home game for basketball.  It could be his last home game of basketball forever.  He is a pretty good basketball player, but we have so many great athletes that is highly likely that he will not get a spot on the JV squad next year.  And he doesn't always get as much playing time as I would like, but tonight he played very well.  He went up for a rebound, came down with it and put it right back up for a score. He also made a free throw shot after being fouled by a thug from New Haven.  It was an interesting game to say the least.  Our win was definitely overshadowed by the outrageous rantings from the New Haven fans.  It reminds me why I send my kids to the schools I do, and how they are taught to not act like complete jerks.  Thank goodness for the help we have received along the way to get these three through these schools. 
And speaking of help, I have to give a speech at the Big Give next weekend.  I have to talk about what it has meant to me to receive the financial aide help from the school for my kids to attend Holy Cross. I am pretty nervous about it, but hopefully by Friday night I will be ready. 

All in all today I realize how thankful I am to be "Gilly's mom".  He is a wonderful kid with lots of heart.  And even if he doesn't make the team next year, I have no doubt he will be their biggest fan.  And I have no doubt we will also be in the stands cheering on the Cadets!

Is it all worth it...

I was buried under a mountain of homework tonight and it was really hard to be motivated. It made me wonder and question if I am on the right path.  Is all this worth all the trouble? Is getting my MBA really going to make that much difference in my life? Is it worth all the headaches?  Is it worth all the weekends I am trapped in front of this computer working and working?  I certainly hope so. At least I finished, and I am hoping to come up with a better plan next week to make it work better.

As for as weight loss goes, I am struggling.  I don't want to start over. I don't want to gain any weight back, but for some reasons I am craving sugar this week.  It is such a freaking bummer.  I am sure it is stress, but I hope it goes away soon.  I am down 11 lbs and don't want to go backwards.

I need to make this a habit.

I am really bad at sitting down and writing each day.  I wish I had something that would help me out with that process.  But so far, I only write when it occurs to me. 

A little bit of an update to report: I started my last semester at Ivy Tech and have started to process of transferring to Indiana Tech.  I figured out that I am half way do with my Bachelor's Degree and the MBA is not as long as I thought.  So, those are very positive things.

On the weight loss front, I am doing ok.  I would not say stellar.  I did very well the first week.  Fairly well the second, but at the moment I can feel my resolve slipping.  But I want to keep plugging away.  So far I have lost 10 pounds, which I am pretty proud about.  We started with the Dukan diet, but have modified ourselves into eating healthy foods and reading labels like crazy. Dave has done a lot of nutrition research and we have begun to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and the like from our diet.  Apparently, our body transfers that right into fat.  And it doesn't know the difference between high fructose corn syrup and alcohol.  The only difference is that alcohol is metabolized in the brain while high fructose corn syrup is metabolized in the liver.  Scary to think that because I was eating so much sugar I as basically doing the same kind of damage to my body as being an alcoholic.  It does really help to have Dave cooking and helping me shop so that I don't slip into "convenient foods".  We have also started keeping a giant pot of vegetable soup in the refrigerator for those times when we need a little something.  So far, so good.  I will achieve this goal! I must achieve this goal!

The only other thing to report is Lindsay is still cheering for Holy Cross.  She has now started playing volleyball for Fort Wayne Volleyball Club, and just informed me she wants to join the gymnastics team at Holy Cross.  Looks like her schedule is going to be the tough one.
Adam is playing Freshman basketball for Concordia which takes up a great deal of time as well.  I am hoping to get Jordan into martial arts very soon.

About to embark on a journey

I feel like since this is my first post I should introduce myself, but maybe I will just ramble on and you will get to know me as I write. 
I realized today I am about to start on a couple different journeys and I desperately want to succeed at each one.  The first one is my last semester at Ivy Tech before I transfer over to Indiana Tech to continue my quest for a MBA.  The second is finally getting down to a healthy weight.
The first one doesn't phase me too much as I have already completed my first full time semester.  My books are sitting right here at my side and I am ready to dig in with gusto.
The second one is much more scary.  I have tried to lose weight so many times and I am terrified I will fail yet again. However, I feel that somehow I am ready for this step. I am starting the Dukan diet which seems to be very doable.  I will start on Monday.  I currently weigh about 275 lbs and I would like to see 150.  That is 125 lbs to take off.  I am hoping to have lost 80 of those by the end of July.  I so desperately want to go to Midwest Geobash under 200 lbs.  I want to be able to go out there and hike with everyone and not get winded.  I want to really be engaged in my life and enjoy every minute.  Right now my back hurts, my knees hurt and I know I am on a collision course with diabetes.  I must do this.  Now is the time.  I don't want to be the fat mom picking my kid up from high school. I want to be the cool mom.  I can do this.  I didn't think I could do well last semester with full time classes and I did wonderful.  It is now time to take care of me. It is time to love me and take this bull by the horns.  It is time to take off this stupid fat suit so people can see me for who I am.